Potter's Deaths
by Chaks
Summary: This story is made up of many short chapters about characters from HP dying in many different and strange ways. Crack!fic Beware of swear words! Don't Like, Don't Read! rated: M just in case.
1. Chapter 1

**_AN:_** _I've read some stories that are like this and I figured i might give it a try._

 _I will only update when I'm in the mood._

 _I don't own anything. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be writing fanfics if I did._

 ** _PS:_** _My chapters won't be in chronological order._

 **Chapter 1**

Harry Potter thought it was going to be a good day when he woke up.

The sun was shining, the sky was clear, the house was on fire, birds where chirping… Wait WHAT?!

The moment the fact that the Dursley's house was on fire registered in his ind, Harry just about whooped in joy.

 _Thats karma for all the SHIT you put me through bitches!_

Unfortunately for Harry, he was to busy celebrating to remember that he was still in the house.

Harry only had time to exclaim "OH SHIT!" before the floor broke down and he died.

 **AN: This story is going to be made up of short chapters about Harry dying in many different and strange ways.**

 **NO FLAMEZ! DON'T LIKE DON'T READ!**


	2. Chapter 2

**_AN:_** _I don't own anything._

 _Hope you like it I invested 4 minutes of my life in this chapter._

 **Chapter 2**

Hermione Granger was a bookworm.

She was always in the library, always reading without socialising.

Of course, if you were to tell her that reading so much could hurt her, she would have laughed at you, before telling you that a little reading never hurt anyone (physically).

She probably would have been right, until that day at least.

Hermione was doing her usual rounds at the Hogwarts Library, looking for some advanced books for a little "light" reading.

She figured that anything light couldn't hurt her, after all, the "Light" was supposed to be good and t never hurt people, right?

At least, that's what she thought, until, when trying to get a book from a shelf that was to high for her to reach, and being too prideful to ask for help, she accidentally toppled over the shelf, causing all the books on it to fall on top of her, her scream of "FUCK!" being her first, and last, swear word.

And that's the story of Granger, the girl that died her ideal death, drowning in the books she loved so much.

Everyone would forever wonder where she learned that word, though.

 **AN: Hope that never happens to me. I love reading, but not so much as to die for them.**

 **NO FLAMEZ! DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ!**

 **DON'T FORGET TO LIKE AND FAVORITE THIS STORY!**


	3. Chapter 3

**_AN:_** _I don't own anything._

 **Chapter 3**

Harry was having a hard time not laughing at his uncle.

Ever since those strange letters addressed at him had started coming, his Vernon (he refused to call that abusive whale his Uncle) had turned into a paranoid little bitch, so much s, that he had actually taken the entire family (Harry included) with him in his car and rented a small house in a island of the coast.

Now it was Harry's eleventh birthday and he had drawn a cake in the floor, using the dust on the floor to trace the drawing, when "BOOM!" a loud noise came from the door.

"Where's the cannon?" Dudley asked stupidly, because there simply was no other way to describe whatever BS came out of Dudley's mouth.

Harry would have laughed, had he not been so nervous due to the door being blasted open and Vernon coming into the room, a shotgun in hand.

Suddenly, a huge (and I mean HUGE) man walked through the area where the door had been.

But just as he opened his mouth to speak, he slipped on his trench coat, falling down on top of Harry, crushing him to death, the words "FUCK YOU, DUMBASS!" being the last thing young Harry would ever say.

"…Oops" Hagrid said, staring in shock at the crushed remains of the Boy-Who-Lived-To-Die-Crushed.

 **AN: NO FLAMEZ PLEASE! DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ!**

 **DON'T FORGET TO LIKE AND FAVOURITE THIS STORY!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Ron Weasley was not the brightest bulb in the packet (or something like that, i cant remember the saying and I'm too lazy to google it)… alright, he wasn't smart, period.

But still, even HE, having been raised as a wizard his whole life, should have known that it was a PRETTY FUCKING STUPID idea to try and hex someone with a broken wand.

 **"** _Slugulus Eructo_!" Ron exclaimed, only for his wand to explode, not only backfiring the spell, but also fucking it up to the point where not only did it turn him into a slug, but it also blasted him, somehow, straight into the kitchen, where he, amazingly, ridiculously, but amazingly, fell… right in a goblet full of salt.

Poor Ronald REALLY should have known better than to try cursing someone with a fucked up wand.

Ron's screams of agony haunted many a house elf that witnessed the unfortunate accident for years.

 **AN: NO FLAMEZ PLEASE! DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ!**

 **DON'T FORGET TO LIKE AND FAVOURITE THIS STORY!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Albus Dumbledore loved Lemon Drops.

His dream was to share his love with Lemon Drops with the world.

Too bad he never got to accomplish this.

If someone had told Dumbledore an hour before that Lemon Drops would kill him, he would have laughed in their faces before spewing some BS about Lemon Drops being the future of the Greater Good, or some shit like that.

His love for Lemon Drops was so big, that he had an entire closet full of them in his office.

Dumbledore, after finishing his plotti…uhh…planning, right, planning. Anyway, after finishing his for the day, noticed he had emptied his Lemon Drops bowl, so, he, being as tired as he was, went over to his closet, opened it and everything went black.

When McGonagall went to check on him, due to his missing dinner, she screamed in horror, "HOLLY SHIT!" being the only things coming to her mind, for there, buried under a mountain of Lemon Drops, laid Albus Dumbledore, his face purple, his smiling mouth full of Lemon Drops.

 **AN: NO FLAMEZ PLEASE! DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ!**

 **DON'T FORGET TO LIKE AND FAVOURITE THIS STORY!**


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